The Assistant Soccer Coach

Remember the Memory Monday about The Pregnant Soccer Coach? I told you there was a sequel to this story. If you don't know what I am talking about check this out first before you keep reading.

Now in light of becoming the soccer coach to my seven year olds soccer team, purely by accident by the way, I was assigned a very nice lady to assist me. Since my hubby works evenings and nights, he was out. I can't remember her name, but she was very nice. Her daughter was a really good soccer player too. Maybe not as good as Rheesah, but that point could be argued later.

I am not sure what it was about me, green grass, or a black and white soccer ball, but my assistant coach always had to pee. Every practice, every game. I wondered if she held it just for soccer time, or if she really had to pee every 20 minutes of her life.

One day at a game, right at the highlight of our only season goal, we were running up and down the Field yelling commands, and she stops me to ask where the bathrooms are. I point to the scanty potty house directly behind us, which in fact clearly states that it is a bathroom, and off she runs. Then, on with the game.

This continued over the period of the six week soccer season. One particular day at practice, she walked over to the field with a bit of a spring in her step. 'Yep,' I thought. 'She has to pee again'. I looked around, this soccer field was in a residential area and not where we hold the real games. The only things around were houses and a cemetery.

On with practice. Until finally she looks at me, I was waiting for it, and states, "I have totally got to pee!" I look around. "Hmmm....well...You can ask that house right there, but other than that I don't know of any bathroom close."

She looks around. Her eyes look through the houses lined across the street. Then to the cemetery. "I think I am going to walk through the cemetery. Maybe there is a Porta-Potty." she states.

A Porta-Potty?? You mean in case some dead people have to get up and pee in the middle of the night? I think it, but I say nothing. I continue to coach.

Aren't I the pregnant one that should have to pee on command? No Rheanna! Coach the seven year olds! Focus! Yeah that's right, I bring my mind back to the practise and not the assistant coach disappearing into the graveyard looking for a spook house porta potty.

But I can't focus, because I know any minute my sweet darling assistant coach is going to drop her drawers in the graveyard. She must have thought that she was out of sight, because that is what she did. She totally dropped it right there.

People could be arrested for this right? I mean, I am not the classiest thing in my hometown, but surely this is at least a class A Misdemeanor...right?

I am still so shocked to this very day. As I write this even. Just shocked. Its like one of those really weird dreams you have.

Once she comes back, with a look of great relief on her face, I ask, "Did ya find the porta potty?" She of course answers quickly and she is back to coaching the game.
Well. Alrighty then.