On The Beach!! (Insert Swear Word Here!)

Okay, so I'm on the beach, big deal. I even have a swim suit. With Polka Dots!! I mean really who in the industry doesn't ever take a slight unwanted sabbatical?

• On The Beach: Radio Slang. Getting fired. Currently has no place of employment.

I got the 'eliminating your position for budget costs' reason. I want to be angry, but in all fairness I can't. 

I wanted to call the General Manager of Big Broadcasting Company all sorts of names and lash out at his unfair justifications. But I couldn't. I knew he had no choice, and he is a totally cool guy. I was kinda bummed, because really that would have been a great story!!

So I am sad. I asked Mr Totally Cool Guy with unfair justifications if he felt bad. His reply, 'Extremely.' 

"Good." I said. "I am gonna sit here a long time and make you feel worse by crying!" So I did. 

They told me to hold my head high and not to feel bad about anything. 

I am still welcome to do my weekend shows and some production. That's cool. 

But seriously? On the beach? Please, I am so NOT a swimsuit chick. Don't the Polka Dots scaring people away.

Hahahaha! I'm so laughing at my own jokes right now. 

I freakin rock!

I'm gonna invent something. 

Oh! Wait...I already did that. 

SHARKTANK!! 

I think I will write a book too. 

I've never been fired before. If you have, your freakin rock too!!

I Moved

So the morning show host that hired me got a job offer. That's right Peeps! He's moving on to bigger and better things. Where does that leave Big Mama on the radio?

It's okay. Dry your eyes. I'll be fine. Because I'm going with!

I think the conversation went something like this:
"Okay. I accept the offer. But I just hired this new producer. I can't just turn my back on her."
"Well, does she know the equipment?"
"No."
"Is she experienced?"
"No."
"Well..."
"But she's talented."

Big Mama on the radio is talented!!

So they listened to me for a week.

Then I got an offer to go too!

That's right mean Katy Perry! Who's got a Friday night party now?!

Except I don't think I will be waking up drunk, not remembering what I did, and having it all over the internet.


The Jon Smith Show starts on 95.9 THE HAWK On September 1st.


For you dutiful peeps that have been following Big Mama for years. I have two words for you.


LIVE STREAMING!!

That's right Peeps! Live Stream! Which is WAY more than the other place gave me.

Well...not to be ungrateful...

I did get a chair.

And a computer that didn't work.

And I think they threw in a pencil for good moral.

And I got to wave to the hardworking Hispanic crew that interrupted our air time every Wednesday at 8:00am to trim the hedges and mow the lawn right out side our studio.

I don't think they will miss the messages we hung in the window for them to admire.

But that is off the point.

The Jon Smith Show! 95.9! September 1st!

Big Mama Flirts With The Crazy Guy

It's been awhile Peeps! How've ya been? I've missed you. In light of my new radio duties, I've been distant. But I have so much to tell you about!

Which brings me to a new theme that must be recognized. It's called, Big Mama Flirts With the Crazy Guy.

On my first day in the studio I meet a man we will can Warren. I am instantly warned, "If Warren says anything to you, don't be offended. He's crazy." Okay then. Note to self. Warren. Is. Crazy.

There is more to this warning. It goes like this. "He doesn't like women in the work place. Women aren't women or ladies. They are girls." The word girls stated as derogatory and diminished.

I see this not as a warning, but a challenge. Warren will like me. Because I am a womangirl. In fact, Warren may never forget me. *cue mischievous laughter*

Day two at work when I notice the big trash can is full. I proceed to lift the hefty cinch sack to take out. Just as I have pulled it out, but not yet placed it on the floor next to me, I hear a gruff 70 year old voice.

"Hey! That is my job!" Did I mention that Crazy Warren is 70 years old. Yes he is a social security recipient voice of crazy that doesn't like me cuz I am a girl. I smile remembering my pursuit to overcome this social challenge.

"Oh, you should do this for me." I say sweetly. "You are so much stronger than me." I smile.

He doesn't catch on to my friendliness at first. He just continues on with craziness. "How's the job?" I take mental note that he says the word job, just like the word girl.

"It's really good." I am still smiling at him, hoping he'll notice.

"Yeah, your pretty lucky." He started saying something, and I think the crazy in him is starting to flare. "You just come in here right off the street, with no experience..." crazy is shaking his head in disgust. He mumbles other words not nearly audible with the word, "girl!" followed right after.

Oh, I might be in for it. This is going to be harder than I think. 70 year old crazy Warren better watch out. Even after this slight set back, I am sure to impress that hairpiece right off his head!

Girl!

The next day.

Crazy gramps is hauling boxes. I hold the door open for him. I say, in the midst of  noticing the sweat coming from the hair piece and an overwhelming scent of Ben-Gay, "How are you Warren?"

"Tired!" he gruffly says. He is just as cranky. Poor crazy! It must be so hard to be so Warren.

Undiscouraged, I say, "Well, that is only because you work so hard, and no one notices." I give the sweet smile and this time I walk away with the last word. That's right ladies! Keep the crazy wanting more.

Stay tuned for more up and coming features of Big Mama flirts with the crazy guy! Who knows what tomorrow has in store.

Big Mama is on the Radio!

HIRED!!

Can you believe it! I got the job! It's official! I am the new Co-host of the Jon Smith Morning Show on 92.1! I am so excited to get things going! Big Mama is gonna be on the radio! How super duper freaky delish is that??

Of course this all depends on the Background test the HR dept is doing.

Wait...! Background check? Crap. They might find out that 'Big Mama' is actually my prison name.

But that's okay. I know rich powerful people that might make certain bodies, bank accounts, herb fields, instances disappear.

On Air with Big Mama!

Dear Mr. Jon Smith. Hire Me.

I had an awesome interview today. It was for a morning  producer/slight on air personality on the award winning Jon Smith Morning Show on Cherry Creek's 92.1. Yes. I would be the Roz to Frazier. I felt like it went good. I don't want to be over confident, however I have done interviews before, and had I interviewed myself, I would have totally hired me after today! {**Please forgive me for not expressing my humilty. It is a weakness I often struggle with**}

Yes. Perhaps I am very over confident. I could very well NOT get the job. So I have been weighing the pro's and cons of having this wonderful job. In light of this heavy mental weighing, I have came up with different scenarios of getting the job or not getting the job.


GOT THE JOB--Then I do fun work that makes Jon Smith look better than he ever has! I know folks! Hard to do, but totally possible! Then I quietly and contentedly sit back and let him take all the credit. Not in a jealous or attention seeking way, but in a 'this is how it is supposed to be' kind of way.

OR

DID NOT GET THE JOB--I become a fan of Marty Lane.

GOT THE JOB--I pursue my career in communications and become female master of the universe. :-)

OR

DID NOT GET THE JOB--I invent and market the Jon Smith bathroom cleaner.

GOT THE JOB--While you may or may not get to hear more of Big Mama's crazy thoughts, you will know that somewhere there is added genius behind his morning show.

OR

DID NOT GET THE JOB--I get a job at the competition and leave Jon Smith forever scratching his head saying, "I should have hired her, I totally should have...."


** Special Note **
Dear Mr Dave H.,
I totally thought talking with you was awesome today as well. In fact, I understand that if Jon Smith(or whomever makes that decision) makes the 'DID NOT GET THE JOB' decision, I hold absolute no ill will against you whatsoever! If that happens, however, I might have some bathroom cleaning materials you might be interested in. That is, unless Marty Lane buys it all. I would truly hate to see that happen!