Memory Monday - Crazy Aunts & Dogs Everywhere

I know I have posted about my loud sarcastic crazy aunts. I love them. I love it when they come to see me and boss me around all day, and tell me how much they love me. Which usually includes a few bad words and slaps to the back of the head.

They always come to my house with a minimum of four dogs. Is it really that many? I honestly don't know. I lose count. My aunt Peggy works for Best Friends Animal Sanctuary. So, of course, when a dog comes in that just melts her heart, she brings it home...and then to my house when she visits.

If you think my house is loud and crazy with five kids and one dog, add to that 3-4 more dogs and two very loud sarcastic, cackling aunts. If my mom, their sister is with them then it is worse.

An hour into one particular visit, we were laughing outside, the kids were chasing the dogs, and once I stepped back into the house, I noticed a puddle. Right where Aunt Hopies Dog Peanut was lying on the back of my brand new microfiber couch.

"Hopie! Your dang dog (I did not say dang) puked on the back of my couch! What the heck! You here only a few minutes! These dogs are worse than my kids!..." rant, rant, rant.

"Shut up you old Bag! It wasn't my dog!"
she shouts back.

"Yes it was! She's been sitting there for the last ten minutes getting away from the kids, and she threw up! On. My. Couch!!"

My aunt gets the cleaner as Aunt Peg and I roll our eyes at her and her pointless defiance. We continue on with our conversation until a couple hours later the same thing happens. This time in a different spot on the back of my brand new couch.

"AUNT HOPE!! YOUR BUYING ME A NEW COUCH! I HATE YOUR DOG!!" She swears at me, then turns to her dog.

"Poor Peanut. What's wrong, did the drive make you sick? I am not sure why he's acting like this. It is just not like him."

Then Me. "Why are you giving your DOG more sympathy than ME? Did you see my couch??"

Then her. "Shut up ya Slut! Your couch will be fine! I'll clean it again!"

Then me. "You call me a Slut one more time and I am putting that throw up in your pancakes for breakfast!"

Then they all cackle. I laugh. I have yet to be cool enough to pull off the cackle.

Our visit goes on. Peggy and I are standing next to the kitchen sink and Hopie says she has to go out and get something from the truck.

Just as Hopie shuts the door, we hear horrible sounds of cough, gag, choke. We look over and see Peggy's dog throw up on the floor.

That's funny. Pegs dog too? No. It looks just like the last three piles of yummy doggy throw up.

Then Aunt Peg. "Oh Crap!! It was my dog the whole time!! Hope's been cleaning up my dogs puke!! She's gonna kill me!"

Then me. "Don't worry Aunt Peg. Let me handle this." Were quiet and Peg's laughing with the hand still covering her face like she knows she is gonna get it.

Hope walks in the door. "Aunt Hope!" I yell. "Your dumb dog just threw up again!!!"

Aunt Peg and I laughed and laughed until our sides hurt. Tears rolling down our cheeks. We knew the truth yet it was just easier that way. It wasn't until the next day we finally told her, but only because we were tired of hearing her worry over her dumb Peanut.